But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
