im six kinds of drunk right now
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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