and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Need sex. Gaining weight.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
