when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
