I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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