"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
sex in a hospital.. check
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
