Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
