never play flip cup with pint glasses
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
