I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
