Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I have aggressive nipples.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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