doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
