u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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