its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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