We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
