ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
