Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
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