I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
