You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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