Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
