Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
