Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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