dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
