There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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