Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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