haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
thus making me awesome and them whores
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
