My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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