The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
