i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Boobs speak an international language.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
