Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
