so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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