you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
now i know why i became what i already was.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize