hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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