OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
