we're blogging at a bar
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
