I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
foreskin is a definite game changer
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
