I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
