I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She's not a foreskin expert like you
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
