Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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