People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
