he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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