I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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