Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
