Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
