no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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