Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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