considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
