nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
