Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
