hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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