I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Randomize
