I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
