So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
