What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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