Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
