I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
