Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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