Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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