i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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