People in love make me want to vomit
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
