Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
