Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
