It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
