shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
