I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Swine flu is the new snow day.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
