after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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