would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
