He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
