i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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