tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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