so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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