Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
handjob tips. give me some.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
