I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
