I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
