my mouth tastes like poor choices
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
