I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
one two three fourrrrnication!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
