I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
