Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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