This house was built for laser tag.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
