Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
